Dark Chocolate and Roses in Savannah

I am a romantic. I watch for rainbows and moonshine, summer nights and stars, signs, gestures, moments of revelation. I like boys who know how to play fairly, guys who smell good and men who mean what they say.  To dance with him, to spend nights in his arms, to be admired and adored and to have heart-to-heart pillowtalks... I live for that shit. I can't help it. It's the way I'm made.

I also love getting presents. Thoughtful gifts, something made by hand, the presents that when received make you say, "Oh my god. You knew! How did you know?"--the ones that show you they were present all along... he watched and listened during carefree moments or when you had your glassy eyes on while shopping and talked crazily because you wanted this and that and oh god he's bored and you try to entertain him while still making mental notes about all the stuff you need. Later, he gives you a gift that says, "Here. I heard you. I know what you like."  Most of the time I get the best presents from my best girlfriends who just know what it is good, what is quality, what is fun and what we dream about most in our heart of hearts.  From guys, it's mostly chocolate and roses.

These days I'm having to give presents to myself. I take long hot salt baths and I continue to try to stay open everyday... not to danger or intrigue, but to comfort, softness and revelation. Savannah has eased me into Southern time--going with the flow, not being so hasty or reactive, listening, dawdling, enjoying my walks, receiving and giving back in a gentle, kind way.

It's been difficult at times. I'm an L.A. girl. I'm used to moving quickly and making things move faster if I need to get somewhere or have something in by a certain time. I've had to adjust. It's all in sync, though, with everything else I'm trying to do in my life: be present, stay mindful, love myself, be kind to myself and others, do the hard work, accept reality and strive toward my future.

Dark chocolate and roses are my recent revelation. I admit, both are kind of cheesy. When I've been the recipient of such gifts I've always gladly accepted them, except there's always a small part in me that asks, "Really? Is this the best you can do? How cliche." Yet, secretly, pushing my inner jaded snob aside, I'll get tickled and think prom! first dates! awkward boys! cute... awwwwwwww.... Dark chocolate and roses are heartfelt gestures from sweet boys. I heart them.

Mostly because I love dark chocolate and roses. He knew! The bittersweet chocolate--dark, rich, swimming quickly along your tongue, settling in hidden recesses of your mouth--when roses coat the sharpness of the chocolate and lessen its bitterness. Petals wafting into your throat and softening, soothing, mingling the scent and taste of roses and dark chocolate, I inhale and taste.

While in Savannah I've been experimenting with dark chocolate. I'm open to all kinds of dark chocolate, but what I seek is that savory sweet bitterness and almonds! It's hard to find good dark chocolate with just the right amount of almond crunch, flavor and texture.  Almonds are woody and hard to the bite--they have texture and flavor, crispness.  I like dark chocolate with other nuts, too, but hazelnuts and macadamia can be too soft and buttery. I like bite and flavor with my dark chocolate. I buy different brands of chocolate bars at Parker's, a 24-hour gourmet gas station, or Fresh Market, Savannah's mediocre attempt at Whole Foods, and then store them in my freezer when I have a hankering for something sweet. Tonight was a revelation! Valrhona's Caraibe Noisette! The elegant packaging, with its delicate gold foil that makes you feel like you're unwrapping a winning Wonka bar, is just a slight indication of the treat you are about to indulge in.  Sharp dark chocolate, slightly bitter and barely sweet (frozen is the best: you bite off only what you can chew--crisp!--and then let it savor in your mouth as it melts), minced almonds... then let the goodness mix with Tazo's Wellbeing, Tazo Rest: "a lulling blend of rose petals, valerian root & citrusy herbs" and luxuriate in the blend. Let the flavors soothe you.

Dark chocolate and roses are the presents to myself now.